Perfect
by ecb327
Summary: An AU Jam fic. In the process of re-writing, as the original version spiraled somewhat downward, but definitely stop by and tell me what you think!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One: Change

She knew something was up. Jim's neck was tenser than usual, he kept running his hand nervously through his already-tousled hair, and when she walked by, his gaze flickered nervously up to her before drumming his fingers on the desk and scribbling something on the sales reports spread out haphazardly in front of him. Pam wasn't an assertive person by nature, but she knew Jim too well. He wasn't like this, ever. In fact, he was the opposite - always laughing, teasing, smiling. Always relaxed and playing pranks on Dwight and making faces at the camera when Michael was being an idiot. Always there for her.

Finally, at lunch, she couldn't stand it anymore. He was undeniably one of her best friends, and when things got out of sync it just felt… weird. Things in their friendship had felt fragile, or strained, somehow. Jim's demeanor had shifted slightly, and she couldn't quite shake the feeling that he was hiding something from her.

Maybe she was paranoid. Of course she was. All the same, there were the moments when she'd talk and realize he wasn't saying anything, just looking at her. She'd catch him staring and he'd hurriedly pretend to be absorbed in something else. These were things that she considered to be small, insignificant moments.

Except then there was the way she felt. Their dynamic wasn't the only thing changing. She couldn't, _wouldn't_, put a finger on it, but something in the way she saw him had changed too. His name caught in her throat; she felt herself giggle too loud and too long when he was around; she became irrationally happy when he walked into the room. She wasn't stupid. She was just… wary, and absolutely _not _in denial about anything. At least, that's what she told herself. Besides, it was far easier to assume that this was coming from Jim as much as – or even more than – herself. Right?

Good lord, she had a fiancé.

She shook her head fiercely, curls bouncing against her face, and told herself to get over it. Peering through the door, she glimpsed Jim's familiar head and heard him cough, the kind of short, involuntary cough he gave when he was either uncomfortable or being uncharacteristically diligent.

The door squeaked slightly as she opened it.

"Jim?" she said quietly, sliding into a seat next to him. He looked up, brow furrowed. "Hey, what's going on?"

He glanced at her and put down his sandwich. "What d'you mean?"

"I, uh, I noticed you seem a little more… a little…" She tugged the sleeves of her cardigan over her fists, fingers knotted anxiously in her lap, and simply asked, "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." His attempt at a smile made something like pity flash through Pam and she noticed that he was fiddling with a piece of paper, turning it over and over in his hands. "Really. Just a little, uh, nervous about something." He exhaled and leaned back, unconvincingly casual.

Pam watched him, weighing the options. She could keep up the questioning; after all, she cared about him – a lot – and had to admit that this would gnaw at her until she figured out what was keeping him from being his usual open self.

Then again, nosiness was never attractive. She could leave him alone… but what kind of friend would that make her? What if something bad was going on? Just because Jim acted so happy-go-lucky didn't mean his parents couldn't fight, or his friend couldn't move away, or a relative couldn't die.

Making up her mind, she took a deep breath to gather her thoughts and pressed, "Well, what is it? I can help you, I can talk about it if you want."

"No thanks, I'm good," he said, laughing slightly. "Go on, eat. I gotta get back to work. Those mines won't sweep themselves!"

Pam smiled. "Your dedication to this company truly astounds me."

He grinned, shrugging. "What can I say? I mean, really, who _wouldn't _want to be a Pennsylvania based mid-size paper company regional salesman?" He fell silent and merely looked at her, smiling a smile that faded instantly. Then, clearing his throat, he stood up, stretched, and patted her shoulder. "Don't worry about it," he said firmly. "See ya later, Beesly."

Pam waved him off before realizing that in his hurry to depart he'd forgotten his lunch bag and left the piece of paper sitting an arm's length away. She bit her lip, curiosity getting the better of her.

It was probably nothing. Probably just something from accounting he'd been studying. Then again, since when had Jim actually made any attempts to work? Slowly, hesitantly, she reached out. Her fingers touched the edge of it when she pulled back her arm as though a spring had been activated.

No. This wasn't okay. Jim never violated her privacy like that. If she left her journal open right under his nose, there wasn't a doubt in her mind that he'd stay away. That's what friends were like, the two of them in particular. They had no special connection, nothing more than pals, buddies, comrades. And she wasn't the type of person who'd cross boundaries. For god's sake, she was one of the most cautious people she'd ever met.

But… she had to know. This was the first time in years that Jim had ever come close to being reserved, a job that normally belonged to her. Except when she was with him. That was when her walls came down, when she could be herself, when her shyness disappeared.

And in return, she wanted to look out for him, and she couldn't do that unless she knew what was going on. He was practically a brother.

Why did that comparison feel so wrong?

The camera zoomed in on her and she cringed guiltily. The cinematographer, who was generally unacknowledged and blended in with the wallpaper, shot her a look that felt very judgmental.

"What?" she said defensively. "I wasn't going to…"

Except she _was_ going to, and she knew it. Once the crew's attention was diverted by Andy's daily a cappella performance, she snatched up the piece of paper and unfolded it.

It was just some numbers Corporate had faxed over a few weeks ago. Something sales-related that Pam hadn't cared about and neither, she thought, had Jim. Slightly disappointed, mostly relieved, she leaned back and sighed. Then a thought struck her and she quickly glanced around the break room. Angela was nibbling on an almond, Stanley was doing a crossword, and Oscar and Kevin were in some argument about the retail value of M&Ms. Nobody would even notice her. Nobody ever did, except Jim.

Almost dreading what might happen, she flipped the paper over. There, in Jim's adorably messy schoolboy handwriting, was a bulleted to-do list (entitled "Long-term goals") and an untidy paragraph underneath. The last one on the list was circled multiple times with a crooked heart next to it. It said:

_tell P how I feel about her_

and then, in newer-looking ink, an arrow pointed to it saying

_do it before R announces engagement!_

Pam's heart fluttered. She sought out Jim's hunched-over figure through the glass door and felt the usual warm sensation in the pit of her stomach. It was a type of sibling-like fondness, or so she had convinced herself, but maybe that was just because it wasn't the way she felt around Roy. Roy, who she'd loved since high school. Her _fiancé. _

Yet somehow her feelings for him seemed…old. Taken for granted, on both ends. Almost colorless, whereas everything about Jim's presence was not only comforting, but exciting and wholly enjoyable to her.

Not that Roy wasn't, of course. She frowned, thinking of her fiancé, a topic that she subconsciously avoided around the office. Maybe for Jim's sake, maybe for her own.

Now she was thinking about him, though. They'd met when she was a dorky little "artsy fartsy" and he was the sometimes-unpleasant football jock. Somewhere along the line they grew to love each other, and she had to admit, he was great. Yes, they fought, and sometimes he didn't give her the respect she wanted and felt she deserved. And sometimes he didn't pull his weight in their relationship. But there was no getting around the fact that he was charming, got along great with her family, and had known her the longest of any of her friends.

Jim looked up and locked eyes with her. He grinned and waved, but as he turned back to his work his smile faded again and his eyebrows raised in the way they did when he was worried.

Pam traced her finger down to the underlying paragraph. He'd written a _lot. _She had to squint to read the increasingly illegible scrawl.

_come on, man, you have to do this. just admit it. you've been in love with her forever. sure, you're __friends__. but don't deny that want to be more than that. it's all you've wanted since you first met her. just grit your teeth and do it. maybe a miracle will happen and she'll feel the same way. just do it, go on. do it __today__. I mean it. just tell her. all you want is to hold her and feel her needing you the way you need her. it's always been like that. it always will be like that. do it. it's important. and if she doesn't feel the same, then hey, you'll just have to move on and suck it up. you can't live without her. maybe it will be torture. but it's a risk you have to take._

Pam's breath snagged in her throat. Her hands trembled, dropping the paper.

It wasn't like she'd never suspected. Obviously, there were signs, and plenty of them. Those seemingly small, insignificant moments began piling up in her head, like the way that his gaze sometimes lingered too long on her smile, or his hand brushed against her and he quieted, eyes filled with what she now realized was longing. She'd always disregarded it. Why in the world would either of them ever want to be more than they were now?

And _why _did she feel good? Happy? Pleased? She ducked her head – Andy had stopped singing and the camera man had returned to focus on her – and gathered up her things, preparing to leave.

Before she could escape, however, the door opened and she quickly covered up the list with her hand. It was Michael. Great.

"Hello there, fellas, milady!" he shouted, grabbing Stanley's crossword and chucking it across the room. "Ah, Pammy!" He bowed, then spun around and attempted to do finger guns.

"Hi, Michael," she said patiently.

"Did you see that? What I did with my hands?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Yes, I did."

"Thank you!"

"That was an observation, not a compliment –" she started to point out, but he interrupted her, announcing, 

"Today is a wonderful day."

When no one said anything, he repeated himself. There was still no response except a loud and very derisive huff from Stanley in the corner, who had retrieved his book with a disgruntled look.

As she seemed to be the only person providing for Michael's emotional needs, Pam asked tonelessly, "Why do you say that?"

"I can't tell you, it's a secret!" he all but yelled in her face, then pulled back and clasped his hands, trying and failing not to beam. "Oh boy, I can't tell you, sorry, I just can't."

"That's perfectly fine, Michael," Oscar said, getting up.

"Alright, well, you're a jerk," Michael muttered as he left. "Anyone else want to know my secret?"

"If it's a secret, Michael, then you can't tell it," Kevin said. "I mean, you tell secrets all the time, but if it's a real secret, you shouldn't tell." He thought for a minute, then gave an affirmative nod.

"Okay, buzzkill," Michael said. "Pam, no?"

She shook her head. "No thank you."

He paused, looking extremely disappointed. "Well then. I've got to go talk to Corporate about some claim of 'sexual harassment'. You all had better get back to work and have fun, because _that_ is what we do at Dunder Mifflin. We have fun."

"If I have to work, it will not be fun," Stanley grumbled. "I am getting a headache, Michael. If you'll excuse me." He snatched up his crossword and shuffled out.

"Catch you on the flippity flip!" shouted Michael, sitting on the counter before hopping off and, thankfully, returning to his office. Kevin wandered out of the room, leaving Pam. Knowing that she wouldn't be missed until a fax came through, she grabbed a bag of Doritos and tried to feel indifferent to Jim's feelings for her.

He was undeniably everything that could be good in a guy. He was kind, caring, funny, handsome, and treated her with respect and - could it be? - _love_. Since he'd walked through the door and smiled at her, she knew they'd share something - something that while to her appeared to be friendship, to Jim it was this…well, what was it, anyway? His little self-directed pep talk made it abundantly clear that it was more than a crush. What was she supposed to think?

The worst part about this situation was that underneath her neat clothes and polite, unromantic relationship with Jim, Pam felt the same way. But it didn't seem like love to her.

Was it? When you loved someone, did it mean that you felt safe with them, that you wanted to be around them as much as possible, that you just wanted to fall asleep in their arms? With Roy in the picture, he was the only example of alleged "love" that she had to compare Jim to.

Roy was admittedly unpredictable. She didn't always feel safe with him. Sometimes he was hard to be around, and sometimes she ended up trying harder to avoid him than be with him. But come on, all relationships have their rough patches, and this was something she'd learned to accept. It had never occurred to her that they were simply the wrong people for each other.

So which one was love?

No, that was stupid. Why was she even thinking about such a thing? She was engaged to Roy Anderson. She would be Pamela Morgan Anderson in no time. Jim was her _friend_. He was like a brother and probably always would be. It had to stay that way. Why were her feelings so infuriatingly unclear?

She threw the rest of the Doritos away and tucked the piece of paper into her pocket before returning to her desk, where Jim was grabbing a few jelly beans.

"Hey," she said as she sat down in her stiff desk chair and signed onto the computer.

"Hi," he said, sounding a bit calmer. "I, uh... listen, are you doing anything today after work?"

"Yeah, sorry," she said, and she genuinely was. "Roy and a bunch of his friends are going out for drinks and he wants me to come along." It was a pretty regular and tiresome thing, Roy dragging her to his outings, especially considering that she wasn't even a participant. Somehow she didn't feel like it was her place to sit at a bar until one in the morning as her boyfriend and Darryl did shots and cracked extremely crude and demeaning warehouse jokes.

"Oh." Jim's jaw clenched. "Um, okay then. Can you let me know when you're free?"

"Sure."

He turned and walked back towards his desk. Pam watched him go, feeling a tug in her chest.

"Jim," she spoke up suddenly.

He spun around in his chair, a look of boyish hopefulness crossing his face. "Yeah?"

"I'll just cancel with Roy."

A grin crossed Jim's face. "Really? Won't he be mad?"

He would, but Pam would deal with it. She'd dealt with his jealousy all through high school and college; she could do it again. In any case, Roy knew Jim was a good guy. "Yeah, I know. I'll make it up to him. So… what do you say? Rooftop picnic, 5:30 tonight?"

"Sounds like a plan, Beesly." He shot a rubber band at her and she ducked, giggling despite herself. "I'll grab a pizza and sodas if you get some napkins and dig out a few chairs."

"Deal." She grabbed a paperclip and chucked it back at him.

"If you wouldn't mind, could you two _children _please keep your hands and desk accessories to yourself?" spat Dwight, glaring at both of them.

"Yes, I would mind. I would mind very much, in fact," Jim said seriously. "Sorry."

"Sorry for what? I don't need your fake apologies, Jim."

"For this." He swept a pile of papers off Dwight's desk.

Pam laughed, relieved that Jim was back to his old self. As for herself... what was going on? Why had she suggested another rooftop picnic? The last one had been considered a "date" by Jim, and she was only leading him on. She didn't want to lead him on. She shouldn't. Why would she?

As much as she hated to admit it, maybe she too felt the way he did.

Fine. Tonight, she would go with the flow, and see what happened. That was a good plan.

This was so unlike her; she was usually so calm, cool, and collected. What had changed? Nothing. Everything. Goddamn change. It just complicated everything.

Despite herself, she looked over at Jim and felt a smile spread across her face. This – he – was what had changed her. Having him in her life… he was irreplaceable. Between work stresses and wedding woes, she needed someone to vent to, and Jim was there.

She couldn't help sneaking a glance at him again. He didn't look up, but he continued highlighting large blocks of text with a trademark, goofy smirk on his face.

Sighing quietly, Pam returned to writing fake emails from the president to Michael, an ongoing project she and Jim had started awhile back. As always, work was ever such a productive place.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hope you liked the updated version of that last chapter. This one I really changed the ending up since people have been making a good point in that Pam probably wouldn't cheat on Roy like that.**

Chapter Two: Jim

"One small cheese pizza!" shouted the Italian man at the counter. Jim grabbed the hot cardboard box and balanced two grape sodas on top of it. He'd gone back at the end of the day to throw away his lunch bag, but couldn't find the sheet of paper he'd left there. Pam said she'd recycled it for him. He fervently hoped she hadn't seen anything on it, because that would ruin everything

Staggering slightly under the awkward pile of food in his arms, he made it back to the office. Pam was in the break room, collecting napkins and a few paper plates.

"Hey!" she said brightly when she saw him. "I was going to go to the warehouse and get some chairs, but I'm, um, waiting."

He understood instantly what she meant by "waiting". She was waiting for Roy to be gone. God, he hated that guy. Pam was infinitely better than him. Maybe Jim didn't deserve her, but he was confident that he was at least worthy of her more than that asshole was. Jesus. 

Jim wasn't a violent person in any way, but seeing Roy's beefy arm around Pam's shoulders made him want to lunge at the guy and pummel him to pieces. Of course, part of him felt guilty about it; he'd never felt jealousy at such an intense level. Still…

Unfortunately, the truth was that Roy had Pam, and Pam had Roy, and Jim had no say in the matter.

"It's fine. We can use something else," he said reassuringly and thought he saw gratefulness in those beautiful hazel eyes. Maybe he was imagining it. He hoped not. The truth was, every glance, every laugh, every inside joke, every moment he was lucky enough to share with her, made his day. Loving her was what kept him going when he felt down or lonely. "Here's an idea - let's go into Michael's cabinet. I'm sure he has a lot of random useless kiddie stuff."

"Okay." Pam followed him into the room, where they discovered a framed photo of Jan, a horrible self-portrait, and a bunch of little kid bathtub toys. "Nothing here," she said, laughing. He loved her laugh.

"Whoa, look, he wrote 'Jan Scott' on the back and circled it in a huge heart," Jim said, flipping over the photo.

"I can't believe he's still so in love with her even though she's clearly not interested," Pam said, shaking her head.

"Maybe she loves him back but just doesn't realize it yet," Jim replied without thinking.

"Maybe." Pam shot him a questioning look and he hastily dropped the picture back onto Michael's desk. "Come on, I'm outta here. It's like being in your parents' bedroom. It's creepy." She gave an exaggerated shudder.

Jim grinned at her, then said, "We can grab a blanket and do this real picnic-style."

"If you say so, Halpert," she said, giggling. He loved it when she giggled at something he said. It was proof that she cared about him and liked him, at least as a friend.

They carried their pile of things to the top of the roof, deposited them, and then went back to look for a blanket, finally discovering a threadbare one in Angela's drawer, covered in cat hair but still functional.

"Come on, let's skedaddle," Jim said, almost reaching for her hand. Good grief, he had to control himself.

They spread the blanket out on the rooftop, but when they'd finally gotten it to cooperate against the wind, a squirrel had flipped open the pizza box and scampered off with a slice in its mouth. Jim and Pam looked at each other for a moment, then burst out laughing.

"How the hell did a squirrel get up here?" said Jim.

"Go figure. Anything is possible."

"You really believe that?"

"Yeah."

His heart skipped a beat. "C'mon, time to pig out."

They spread the pizza box, napkins, and sodas between them, making small talk and planning a prank on Dwight.

"This is the best dinner I've had in a long time," she said, taking a sip of soda and contentedly.

"Really?" He looked sideways at her. "It's just pizza."

"Yeah, but I don't know the last time I ate a meal with someone."

"You mean you don't – Roy doesn't –"

"We're just busy," Pam said somewhat defensively. "It's just… I don't know. We're so used to each other."

"I get it," he said, though he didn't.

When the pizza was gone, Jim cleared his throat, fidgeting nervously. This was the moment. She could either make him happier than ever, or completely break his heart. He took a deep breath.

"Pam."

"Yeah?" She shivered slightly; it had gotten cooler in the past half hour.

"Oh, sorry, are you cold?"

"Just a little."

He wasn't wearing a jacket today, so he gingerly slipped his arm around her shoulders. "Sorry, this is the best I can do, unless you'd rather wrap yourself in Angela's blanket." He felt her stiffen, then lean into him, head on his chest. Again, his stomach did a back flip.

"Ew, gross." She laughed quietly.

It just felt right, so freaking right, with her. Katy had been pushy and obnoxious, always plastering herself to him. Even his girlfriends in high school and college never felt this comfortable and perfect. "You okay?" he asked first, heart beating like a drum.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she said softly. Could she anticipate what he was about to say?

"Um, anyway, I just wanted to talk to you. I couldn't stand it – anyway." His palms felt sweaty. "Pam, ever since I met you, I..." He couldn't say it. He couldn't! But he had to. "I'm in love with you." The words fell from his lips in a cascade of things he would regret later. "I've been in love with you since the first day. You're just... Pam, you're so beautiful. You're so perfect. I feel solid when I'm around you. When I'm not, it's like everything's just falling apart. And watching you in the office, not knowing if you care about me like I care about you? It sucks, man. It just sucks." He took a deep breath, scared to look her in the eye. "Because the truth is, I love you. I love you so much. And I need you. I... yeah. There's just nothing I'd rather do than stay like this forever." Her hair was soft against his chin. She didn't draw away. Was that a good thing? Or was she too shocked to speak?

"What am I supposed to say to that?" asked Pam after a moment. She sounded sincere. Cautious, taken aback, but not totally creeped out. "Jim, what do you want me to say? You're my best friend. You're the best person I know. I love you."

"But not like that." He sighed, then slid away from her, chest cold and heavy and missing what had been there seconds before.

"I - Jim - no, look, Jim." Pam shifted so she sat across from him. He couldn't look into her eyes; they were too brilliant, too pretty. If he saw those eyes again he'd just crumble. Two soft hands enclosed his own. "I don't know. I don't know what's happening to me these days. I mean, with Roy... Roy's just... he needs me, Jim!" Her voice got higher, pleading.

Didn't she understand how much he needed her? Not the way Roy did. He didn't need her because they were high school sweethearts and he was too lazy to go out and meet new people. He didn't need her to make him feel better about himself. He needed her because he loved her. Because sitting six feet away five days a week wasn't close enough. Because when she walked into a room, everything was fine and he felt an overwhelming, indescribable feeling. Because when he looked up and she smiled at him, it made his day. Because when he returned home, all he could think about was Pam. Knowing that she was engaged to that man… he couldn't even fall asleep at night. Weird things, like food, had no taste. He'd lost it.

"You don't think I need you?" His voice was getting husky.

"I... do you?"

He mumbled something under his breath. If Roy was her choice, he'd learn to live with it. Move halfway across the country, maybe. Have no life, no family, no future. Distantly, he was aware that it was possible he was being a tad bit melodramatic and angsty, but in the moment, everything was just so damn overwhelming.

"Jim." She reached out with one palm, rubbing it lightly over his face. It was a tender gesture, and he had to look up. "Do you... I... Jim, I don't know what to do now."

"Just tell me," he said, gazing into her face. As much as it killed him, he pulled away from her touch. He needed to know, he needed an answer. "Do you feel the same?"

"I don't know. I can't give you an answer right now. I'm engaged, I've been with Roy forever… I can't just drop everything we have, or had, and run."

He lurched to his feet, unable to bear it any longer. "Pam. I swear, if you tell me to back off, I will. I'll move, I'll do whatever I can to never feel the same about you again. But if you tell me now, if you tell me that you love me more than a friend, if I even have a chance… if you love me the way I love you, I don't know what will happen, only that we'll be together no matter what. I love you so much, Beesly."

She was looking up at him, getting teary-eyed. A single tear ran down her cheek. He reached out and swiped at the it with his thumb.

"Please, just tell me the truth. I'll do anything for you."

"There's… there's a possibility," she finally said.

He looked at her in disbelief. "You mean it?"

"Yeah, I do."

All he wanted to do in the moment was kiss her, but he held back. Having a chance didn't mean she was in love with him. Having a chance meant there was, well, a _chance_. It could turn out to be nothing. "Look, I know. I know I'm not perfect. And I completely understand that things with you and Roy have to be resolved before you could even begin to consider being with me."

She was nodding up at him, watching him, and said, "Yeah. I – thank you for telling me. Or talking to me." Her brow knotted and she shook her head. "Sorry. I don't know what I'm saying."

He laughed at her confusion. "So… friends?"

She smiled. "Friends. For now," she added.

If the worst case scenario was total rejection, and the best case was eloping, this was a pretty good start. Jim grinned. It was more than he could've hoped for. "C'mere," he said, opening his arms. She went into the hug willingly, arms around his neck. He had to bend down slightly, being as tall as he was, and folded his hand into her soft, curly hair. If this was what their relationship would be, he was pretty agreeable to it.

"Thanks," she said, breaking it off. "We should probably clear out now, though, before more ninja squirrels decide to make off with the rest of the pizza."

"Ninja squirrels? Really?" He punched her shoulder teasingly and started picking up their trash. "Nice try, Beesly."

**Note to any new readers – this fic isn't going to make any sense until I finish updating my new chapters. Like, the next chapter is 100% not consistent with my changes. So, just hang in there until I post my revisions.**

**And please feel free to review. How do you like it so far?**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys, thank you for reviewing this!**

**Obviously since this chapter was previously about Pam and Jim spending the night together, this is radically different and 100% re-written. I hope you still like it. And bear in mind, don't go on to chapter 4 until I've updated it (hopefully soon, depending on the response, if any, I get on this one).**

Chapter Three: Pam  
>Pam felt strangely guilty as she headed home. She and Jim parted amicably: he cracked a few lighthearted jokes, hopped in his car, and drove off with a cheerful wave, so why did she feel as if she was keeping a secret? Of course, Roy couldn't find out about this, and wouldn't – she was a good secret-keeper. No, what she felt was irrational, unfounded <em>guilt.<em>

She pulled into their driveway, trying to shake the feeling off. It wasn't as if she'd told Jim that she was totally in love with him. Then again, she hadn't been overly faithful to her fiancé.

Sighing, she gathered up her things and unlocked the door. Darryl was over, drinking beer and watching sports with Roy, who kissed Pam absentmindedly as she passed by him.

She settled down at the breakfast nook, opening up her laptop and pouring herself a glass of water. A few minutes later, a commercial came on and the two men joined her in the kitchen.

"How was your date with Jim?" asked Darryl, winking at Pam. She froze slightly.

"Uh, what?"

"Relax, Darryl," said Roy, slinging his arm around Pam's shoulder. "They're just buds, right?" He nudged her with a reassuring smile.

"We're just friends," she said firmly.

"Ooh, 'just friends', huh? If you ask me –"

"Nobody's asking you, Darryl," sighed Pam.

"Yeah, come on, man, that's my fiancée you're talking about," said Roy reproachfully. He pecked Pam on the temple. "Game's back on. You can come and watch if you feel like it."

"No thanks," she said as they returned to the living room and resumed bellowing things at the TV and making bets that they were too buzzed to remember in the morning.

Pam surfed around the internet, trying to find inspiration for her latest watercolor – or anything, really. This whole art dream of hers seemed increasingly impossible. It used to be her passion; now it was an oftentimes discouraging hobby. After giving up on that, she grabbed a couple of Oreos and sat back down. Her AIM popped up as she was in the middle of emailing Penny. It was Jim.

**JIM9334: **Thanks for hanging out tonight. It was a nice break from my nonexistent social life. :)

**Receptionitis15: **No problem. I had fun!

**JIM9334: **So what's up?

**Receptionitis15: **Nothing much. Roy's watching football with Darryl.

**JIM9334: **Fascinating. How's your art stuff going?

**Receptionitis15: **It's not really "stuff" if I don't show anybody.

**JIM9334: **So I don't count as somebody? That's harsh, Beesly.

**Receptionitis15: **Shut up. You're obviously *somebody*.

**JIM9334: **Oh, don't flatter me. I take it it's not going well?

**Receptionitis15: **I wasted 90 minutes trying to feel creative by Googling artsy things and ended up bored and headachey from staring pointlessly at the screen for so long.

**JIM9334: **I wasted 8 hours today "working" at a paper company called Dunder Mifflin. That should make you feel better.

**Receptionitis15:** It does, as a matter of fact. My lack of productivity isn't as bad as yours. Thanks, Halpert.

**JIM9334: **But seriously – you're *good*, Pam. Whatever you're waiting for will come to you sooner or later. Just think about your current life situation and draw what it feels like.

**Receptionitis15: **Really? That's your brilliant idea?

**JIM9334: **Yeah, it sounded smarter in my head. My point is, you're amazing, and doubting yourself makes ideas stop in their tracks.

**Receptionitis15: **Aw. :)

**JIM9334: **You're welcome.

Roy came in. "Darryl just left." He yawned, pulling up a chair next to her. "How was your day?"

**Receptionitis15: **Hey, I gotta go. See you tomorrow?

**JIM9334: **I've got nothing better to do, so… yep.

**Receptionitis15: **Ha. That makes two of us. Night, Halpert.

**JIM9334: **Night, Beesly.

"Sorry." She turned to Roy. "It was good. Boring, as usual. Yours?"

He shrugged. "Your typical warehouse day."

"So… telling crude jokes, making fun of your boss, and taking naps while your fiancée is forced to sit at a desk doing virtually nothing?"

"Pretty much, yeah." He laughed. "You have Jim, though."

Why did she feel the need to avoid his gaze slightly? "Obviously."

"You're inviting him to our wedding, right?"

"Yeah, is that okay?"

"Okay? That's great! I have nothing against the guy. I mean, sure, I was a little jealous at first – a guy like that working with a girl like you? – but I know you guys are friends."

"What does 'a girl like you' mean, exactly?" asked Pam, raising an eyebrow in amusement.

"Well, look at you! You're hot."

She ducked her head, always unsure of what to say when he spoke bluntly like that. Also yawning, she leaned over and kissed him, shutting off her laptop. "Thanks. Now c'mon, I'm tired."

**I hope you like it! I think it's a bit shorter than the original, but yeah. Again, don't advance to chapter 4! It won't make sense if you're following this storyline. Thanks for reading!**


	4. Chapter 4

**In this chapter I tried to capture some of what Jim said to Pam's father about how he felt when she walked in a room, etc. and I thought probably to him, when she was around, everything was brighter and better-than-average. Also, I kind of paralleled what Pam said when describing Jim saying he wanted to marry her over breakfast when she didn't look cute. :)**

Chapter Four: Jim  
>Jim had never been happier in his life. Pam crawled into bed next to him, hid her face in his soft white t-shirt, gave a little sigh, and shut her eyes. While he was pretty exhausted himself, Jim found it difficult to fall asleep with the girl he loved curled up against his long body like a missing puzzle piece. He wrapped his arms around her and angled his face so that her breath came and went in warm gusts against his cheek.<br>Month after month he'd always felt lost when he wasn't in her presence. Like half of him wasn't there. Now, he felt more whole than he had his entire life. There was nothing more wonderful than realizing that he had a soul mate and she was sleeping with him. Not that type of sleeping, of course. He'd never pressure her to do anything. Just being that close, feeling the most powerful emotional bond he'd ever had with anyone, was enough.  
>It was so hard not to kiss the life out of her when they were like this. His heart was beating out of his chest, his nerves were abuzz, and all he could smell was the sweet fragrance of her flawless skin and chestnut hair.<br>Jim had been in love with her almost since the day they'd met. When he found out about Roy, it was torture. Walking into the break room and finding Pam laughing at something her fiance said was agony. One time he stumbled in on them kissing passionately and it had plunged him into depression for days.  
>It sounded extreme, he knew. He got through. But with love, what he felt for Pam... it was a whole new level. Not just "like like" or a "crush" or lust. It was the purest, truest form of love he knew. When he looked at her, she was all he wanted out of life.<br>"I'm in love with Pam Beesly," he whispered into the empty air, the first time he verbally acknowledged it. Pam murmured something in her sleep, smiling demurely. He checked the clock - already 11 o'clock? Jesus, how long had he been watching her?  
>"I love you," he breathed into her ear, turned so his lips were centimeters from hers, and slowly drifted off to sleep.<p>

His alarm clock went off at 8, startling him. As he leapt out of bed he realized that the sheets next to him were wrinkled but empty. Where was Pam?  
>Panic at the back of his throat, he all but sprinted to the kitchen, where he found her holding a cup of coffee, yawning, and buttering a slice of toast. Even in her frizzy-haired, make-upless, messy-clothed state, she was so beautiful and real. He had a sudden vision of them 10 years from now, surrounded by rambunctious toddlers, a wedding ring on her finger...<br>"Hey," he said, approaching her. "Um, whatcha up to?"  
>"Oh," she replied, laughing, "I'm just making some breakfast before we head to work. Here." She passed him a white ceramic plate with four toast triangles glistening with butter.<br>With Pam in the room, everything seemed so much more saturated, so much more real and bright and better than ever. He bit into the bread; it was the best he'd ever tasted.  
>Pam watched his face anxiously, leaning against the counter in a rumpled blouse and drowsy eyes. "Like it?"<br>A warm knot clenched in his stomach, just looking at her there. "Love it."  
>"I don't look cute, you know," she said, self-consciously rubbing at her cheek, where a little eyeliner had smudged. "I don't look cute at all."<br>"I know. You're beautiful."  
>"You mean it?"<br>"I mean it."  
>She gave that shy little giggle of hers, as though she wasn't quite sure why she was laughing, and was walking towards him when her phone started ringing. She glanced at the screen, then, with a scared look at Jim, picked up, walking into the living room - ostensibly for privacy, though her voice carried loudly.<br>"Hey, what's up?"  
><em>Where were you last night? I thought you'd gotten hurt, or something. Your phone was off.<em>  
>"I'm sorry, babe." Jim winced. "I really am."<br>_What's going on? Is everything okay?_  
>"Nothing. Don't worry, okay? I'll see you in less than an hour."<br>_Where are you? I'll pick you up._  
>She shot a frantic look towards Jim, then stammered, "Uh, well, I… I spent the night at a hotel and I'm about to check out and head to the coffee shop on our street. Meet you there in 15?"<br>_Fine. So what's going on with you and Halpert? I heard something about him liking you._  
>"Oh, that was awhile ago. No, nothing's going on, I promise." Her slightly distressed face peered at Jim from around the corner, where he found himself standing, arms awkwardly at his side, not knowing what to do. She cast him an unreadable look, then turned her back on him again and said, "Yeah, we're, uh… we're just friends, Jim and me. Best friends."<br>_Good. I'm glad you have someone looking out for you at the office, Pam. _He paused. _So... you're _sure_ nothing is happening? You guys haven't... you know, done anything?_  
><em>Not in the way you think, <em>thought Pam. Aloud she simply answered, "No. Okay, I'm heading out. Be there soon."  
><em>Okay. I love you.<em>  
>"Love you too."She hung up, then turned to Jim. "I'm so sorry, Jim… I have to jet because Roy's about to go to this coffee shop and if I'm not there he'll probably, like, totally freak out. I've messed up that relationship enough already. I'll see you at the office in an hour."<br>"I…"  
>"Okay, thanks."<br>Jim's heart broke as she flitted out the door, hurriedly brushing her hair into a ponytail and applying lipstick. He wanted to run after her, shouting, and scoop her up in his arms one more time. It wasn't realistic, he knew. But -  
>The door slammed open again, and Pam stood there. "I didn't want to leave yet," she confessed, and then pressed up against Jim and kissed him. Heart starting to pound when it didn't end quickly, he shut his eyes, arms instinctively sliding around her waist, and then it was over. She broke off, looking disoriented. "I'm sorry, Jim. I don't know what came over me. I - goodbye."<br>What was there to be sorry for? wondered Jim as he put the dishes in the dishwasher. Nothing. Only Roy, Roy Anderson. The one mistake Pam had ever made. What did she see in him, anyway? He was burly, the typical warehouse guy - loud, mean, and rude. Jim could be loud, he could be mean to Dwight and his brothers, but he drew the line at rude. Call it his upbringing but something made him want to scream at the idiot jerks of the world.  
>Maybe being around Pam wasn't such a good influence after all. He loved her too much, and he wasn't sure to what extent she felt the same. And if she continued to be with Roy, the anger in him, the insane rage at the man who was with the girl he loved more than life itself, would take over, and he couldn't be the Jim he should be for her. He had to be himself.<br>"What?" he asked defensively as the camera zoomed in on his face. The camera man shrugged - it was still strange to Jim, sometimes, when he realized all of this was being televised - and followed him as he grabbed a light blue button-down shirt and tried to see his reflection the way Pam saw him. Did he always look this gawky? What if his hair was messy? Would she like this tie or this one? Suddenly he was even more nervous, petrified that now she'd admitted how much she liked him that he'd mess up and she'd be gone forever. _Listen, Jimmy_, he recalled Pete and Tom telling him when he was going into high school, _you'll hear a lot of different things. Normally we want you to embarrass yourself while we deny being related, but this time we actually care about you - first and only time, right? Anyway, here's our advice on chicks: they do crazy stuff that doesn't make sense. If they say they like you, though, and ya think they're not lying, just keep being yourself, don't be a loser and get all nervous about screwing it up. Got it?_ Maybe they were right. Then again, that was more than a decade ago. Oh, whatever. He was hopeless at this stuff however hard he tried.  
>Ten minutes later he was out the door, in the car, on the way to Dunder Mifflin's Scranton branch, half-dreading, half-anticipating meeting up with Pam after that one night they'd had together. This would be interesting, he thought with a wry smile.<br>"So I'm going to work, and, um, I'm going to see Pam, and it's going to be fine, right?" he spoke to the camera as he drove into the parking lot. His half-smile faded as he put the car in park and looked out his window nervously, then quietly repeated, "...Right?" As usual, no answer came.


	5. Chapter 5

**In this chapter I still tried to capture Pam's uncertainty and hesitation when it comes to her relationship with Jim. The way she feels when he gives her his key was based off of when he says they had their first "romantic date" and she shuts down on him, and the following chapter's description of Jim's dialogue somewhat mirrors the episode when he buys Pam a house and apologizes since he thinks she doesn't like it.**

Chapter Five: Pam  
>Roy dropped her off at the office an hour later. Luckily, he didn't seem to notice how awkwardly she was sitting, and how she was studying him as though she hadn't seen him in forever. Even if he <em>had<em> noticed, he never would have understood what was wrong - namely, that he just wasn't Jim. Whatever sparks she used to feel with Roy had gone, dissipated, since that one night with a man she'd worked with for years.  
>She couldn't say she felt comfortable with it, though. Since grade school, everything had been sketches and fantasies and book reports. She wasn't much of a romantic; she preferred dreaming about a Prince Charming than meeting him. Relationship woes just weren't part of her master plan. Pam wasn't accustomed to feeling the emotions she felt now. If only Roy were out of the picture, she'd gladly go with Jim wherever he wished. But with a fiance, it hindered all her potential Mrs. Halpert plans. No, she and Jim would have to discuss this later. Roy was off delivering trucks to different branches and corporations, so she was supposed to spend the night by herself again. Perfect: one more day, just one, to collect her thoughts and try to unravel her confusing thoughts.<br>When she walked into the office and took her usual seat, Jim was already there. His eyes found hers instantaneously, showing such intensity that it made her blush.  
>"Can I stay with you again tonight?" she whispered when he casually leaned over onto her desk. "Roy's out of town and - "<br>"Not even a question," Jim replied. "Here." He tossed her a key. "I got a spare for you."  
>Whoa. She felt a familiar surge of rising alarm, something that seemed to always happen around guys. This relationship was going too fast. He was already giving Pam keys to his place? What was going on? Would he ask her to move in with him next? Deep down, Pam knew that she was overreacting, that she couldn't just shut down every time things became emotionally complicated. Sure, she loved him. But she needed time. Time which unfortunately, she didn't really have.<br>He was speeding everything up too much for her liking. And with that, Pam lapsed back into the old Beesly, who didn't know what to say when Jim mentioned their first "date", who continually denied that she had feelings for him and that he had them for her.  
>"Uh…" She glanced at the key, shiny and new. "I - Jim."<br>"What?" His smile faded as he repeated softly, "What?"  
>"Um…" She leaned forward, speaking quietly. "Jim, I don't feel comfortable with this. I need time. I don't know - I… you're going too fast into this whole thing. We hung out for one night. That's it."<br>"We 'hung out'? You're kidding, right?"  
>"Okay, we were, you know... but it's just, that wasn't - we can't -"<br>"No, I get it." His voice sounded flat.  
>She bit her lip, saying nothing. Giving her a hurt look, he took the key, slipped it into his pocket, and turned back to his desk. "Jim, wait!"<br>He didn't say anything, only turned on his computer and opened up his email. Pam slowly started listening to voicemails, wondering how many more things she could mess up before it would be too late.


	6. Chapter 6

**In this chapter, I thought I'd like to see a little bit of IMing, since I thought it was super cute when they use AIM before Jim proposes. Thanks for all the Favorite Story and Story Alert additions!**

Chapter Six: Jim  
>As he sat in the break room by himself, leaning back in his chair and trying to choke down a bag of corn chips, Jim felt horrible. What had he done wrong? Pam walked by, did a double take, then continued walking, brow furrowed and head down, sending a knife's blade through his chest. He had to fix this, now. Before she walked away from him for the last time.<br>"Pam." He walked up to her desk. She looked at him warily. His palms felt sweaty and he hoped he didn't look as nervous as he felt. "Look, I know. I may have taken more for granted than I should have and I'm sorry. I should show you more respect. So I'd like to tell you that my door is always open to you, day or night. You know my cell." He faltered for a second, then grabbed a licorice jelly bean and took his seat again.  
>"You really should stop wasting company time ogling the receptionist," Dwight said in that obnoxious voice of his. "Workplace relationships are against the law."<br>"Look who's talking," snapped Jim, testy.  
>"I beg your pardon?"<br>"Angela? Accounting?"  
>"I - that -" Dwight sputtered, then crossed his arms, put on a huge pair of bulky headphones, and resumed his game of Second Life. Sometimes Jim wanted a second life, too. To get things right with Pam, which now seemed utterly impossible - that is, until his AIM popped up:<br>**Receptionitis15 **Sorry.  
><strong>JIM9334<strong> You don't have anything to be sorry for.  
><strong>Receptionitis15 <strong>I'd like to spend the night at your place if it's okay. But we need to talk.  
><strong>JIM9334 <strong>Let the talking begin. :)  
><strong>Receptionitis15<strong> Is Dwight trying to read our messages?  
>Jim glanced over at his desk mate, who was indeed craning his neck to see what was going on. He angled the computer screen so it was out of reach, giving him a stern look, then typed,<br>**JIM9334 **Let's wait til everyone goes home. Then we can jet.  
><strong>Receptionitis15<strong> I'm serious, though. We have to discuss something.  
><strong>JIM9334 <strong>Yeah, I know. Sorry. I try to compensate with humor.  
><strong>Receptionitis15 <strong>You know, I've noticed that about you! (sarcasm)  
><strong>JIM9334 <strong>Tsk tsk. Do we need to resume our sarcasm lessons? Because that wasn't very good.  
><strong>Receptionitis15<strong> Oh, it's on, Halpert. Whoops, a call's coming through for Michael. Talk to you soon.  
>Jim felt much more light-hearted as Pam answered the phone, checked Michael's office, and consulted her notebook, saying, "No, he's not in, he's out signing autographs at the local pre-school. Can I take a message?" It was all he could do to stop himself from grinning, something Kevin commented on when they were at the water cooler:<br>"Jim, why are you smiling so much?"  
>"I dunno, Kev." Pam was watching him and he turned back to his slow co-worker. "Just not a bad day, I guess."<br>"It's suspicious, Jim. Very, very suspicious."  
>Jim raised his eyebrows, then stroked his chin thoughtfully, leaning forward and saying in an undertone, "Hm. Okay. Tell you what. You take the rest of the day, figure out the mystery and what's suspicious about this, and then get back with me on it."<br>"Niiice. It's a deal." They fist-bumped. If he was the only one picking up on anything "suspicious" between Jim and Pam, and this was assuming that Dwight's comment was merely part of his drive-Jim-Halpert-to-insanity game, then they were doing a good job keeping it under wraps. Kevin thought just about anything outside of his intelligence perplexing, unless it contained meat or attractive women.  
>The rest of the day flew by. Michael was arguing on the phone with Corporate for almost three hours straight (some safety matter about warehouse workers being pushed off ladders by their boss) and then mysteriously disappeared at 4:15. By 4:45, most people had left except Phyllis, who was waiting for Bob Vance to pick her up, and Meredith, who said her son was back from boarding school and she was hiding from him. Eventually she too left, after dragging a sketchy-looking suitcase out from under her desk, pulling on a jacket, and speeding out of the parking lot in the opposite direction of her house.<br>"Ready?" asked Jim after he'd shut down his computer and finished unscrewing Dwight's chair.  
>"Yep," Pam replied, following him out the door and into his car. The ride to the house was quiet but pleasantly so. Once they got inside, Pam laid down her things and pulled him up to his bedroom, perching on the edge of the bed.<br>"What's up, Beesly?" He reached out and stroked her arm lightly, feeling tingles. She bit her lip, then said,  
>"I don't know what to do, Jim. About Roy. He's gone tonight, but what about tomorrow night? And the next night? Jim, I swear, if I could, I'd come here and live with you whether you liked it or not. But I can't. Because I'm engaged to a guy who I just can't break up with in good conscience. And I just don't know what to do."<br>"Hey, I'm on it. I'll talk to him."  
>She looked horrified. "No! You'll get beaten up and then he won't let me see you ever again!"<br>"I told you, I can handle it. Tomorrow I'll buy him lunch and, I dunno…"  
>"You can't cross him, Jim. We're so stuck! I don't know what to do!" She covered her face with her hands, rubbing her eyes wearily. "He's not going to break up with me unless he finds some other girl, and that isn't going to happen anytime soon."<br>An idea crossed Jim's mind, so ludicrous that he almost laughed, but Pam looked so bleak that he had to voice it: "Well… there _is_ Katy."  
>Her voice sounded frosty. "Katy? Your girlfriend?"<br>"Not anymore," he reassured her quickly. "I ended it awhile ago. Something about me being in love with someone else?" He shook his head in mock confusion. "Anyway, didn't she say that she used to cheer for Roy's school? She's pretty, nice - maybe we could get them together."  
>"I don't know… we're on dangerous ground right now. Matchmaking has never been my strong suit. Like Roy said, I was Miss Artsy Fartsy in high school. I didn't wear short skirts and I wasn't hot. I was buried in watercolors and sketchbooks."<br>_I would've loved you_, thought Jim, trying not to be distracted by the fact that they were sitting together, on his bed, just talking. "But maybe if she's interested in him, well, she can be really persuasive."  
>"It didn't work with you."<br>"Well, we both know why." Pam smiled, reaching for his hand and stroking the back softly with her thumb. "But I don't think Roy is honestly in love with you. I don't know if he's even capable of _being_ in love."  
>"I never thought so either. I certainly wasn't in love with him. But you know how he is."<br>"I'm saying, what if I talk to Katy and she likes Roy? They'd make a better couple. I mean, can't you see them back in high school? The cheerleader and football player?"  
>"I guess. But Jim, if he catches me cheating on him with you, there'll be hell to pay."<br>"And I'm willing to pay it, if I get to be with you like this."  
>Pam flashed that beautiful smile at him and slipped out of her socks and cardigan, leaving her in a thin short-sleeved top and a knee-length cotton skirt. She tugged at his arm, then crawled under the covers. He followed her lead, heart skipping a beat, and laid down next to her. This time she moved a little nearer to him, and he felt her feet brush against his. Goosebumps rose up and down his arm as she snuggled even closer to him, hips resting lightly against his, and then cradled his head in her hands and looked unwaveringly into his eyes. She so rarely displayed such confidence, but when she did, her eyes lit up and movements became that much more deliberate. His hands stroked her back, and finally, unable to resist temptation any longer, he leaned forward so their lips met. It was still an unfamiliar feeling, yet felt so perfect, her mouth moving gently against his, sending shocks down his spine, his tongue flickering gently against hers, needing to breathe but needing this more. Her nose was brushing against his cheek; this was something he'd never even dared to dream of, and here it was, so real. Finally, with a contented little sigh, Pam broke away, still running her fingers through his hair, feet tangled in his, chest pressed to his abdomen.<br>"Is this… wrong?" she asked, sounding much younger than she was. "I mean, is it wrong that I'm - doing this with you? That it's so… so perfect? Even when I have Roy as a fiance?"  
>Jim gave a crooked half-smile, then reached up with one hand and touched it tenderly to her soft cheek, index finger finding the corner of her lips and staying there.<br>"Well," he said, feeling so much love for her that he thought he might burst, "has anything else ever felt so _right_?"  
>And then she was in his arms again, so close they became one being, and he didn't ever want to move anywhere else, and nothing else in the world mattered but Pam, Pam Beesly, the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.<p> 


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven: Pam

She woke up at half past six in the morning and realized with a surge of dismay that she and Jim had gotten absolutely nothing accomplished in their night together, other than falling asleep wrapped in each other's arms and… yep, that was about it. She had to smile at the memory, his arm slung comfortingly over her back, her head leaning against his shoulder.

But she had to get out. She couldn't continue this. Of course he was right; he always was, when it came to her. They were meant for each other.

Pam shook her head, pulled on her clothes, and rummaged in her bag for a stick of eyeliner and a tube of mascara. Hurrying to the bathroom, she all but grimaced when she caught sight of herself in the mirror.

Hurriedly stroking the liner across her eyelash line, she tried to ignore the conflicting thoughts that continued to race through her head. Roy would catch them sooner or later. He would find out. It was up to her to make sure she didn't jeopardize the love of her life. And sneaking around behind his back was unlike her. Sure, he could be abrupt. But she'd always felt that Jim's extreme distaste of the man was overdone.

_Grow up, Pamela,_ said a voice in her head, bringing her back to high school years in a flood of memories and half-finished paintings. Her best friend at the time had always criticized her for her inability to keep a straight head when it came to "matters of the heart".

_Don't be a damsel in distress. Don't let Roy get in the way of what you want. Assert what you need, to both Roy and Jim._

She felt the hint of a smile and straightened, the situation appearing suddenly much more manageable. That's right, she thought. It was time for her to stop feeling sorry for herself and grow a spine.

"Hey." Jim appeared in the doorway, yawning and rubbing his eyes, hair endearingly messy. "I was scared you'd left."

He sounded so vulnerable and young in the moment. Pam wrapped her arms around his waist.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked, kissing her head.

She drew away, brow furrowed. "Um… Roy."

He stiffened. "What?"

"Jim, I think you aren't giving him enough credit. I know, I know," she said hastily, as he opened his mouth. "I get it. He can be kind of a jerk to me. But he cares about me. I think he wants me to be happy, as long as I'm happy with him. Jim, you're so mature. Roy just… isn't. At least, not in the same way. He never got past the teenage guy phase of wanting things more than needing them. I'll admit it, he doesn't need me." She took a deep breath, looked into his eyes, and confessed, "_I_ need you."

"Me too." His expression was hard to read: pained, as though he were expecting rejection. Should he be?

"Never mind." She grabbed her bag. "I should go. D'you wanna go grab a coffee or something?"

"Sure. I should probably get into something less homeless," he said, gesturing to his wrinkled t-shirt and worn sweatpants. "Be right back."

He returned a few minutes later in a clean light blue shirt, black tie, and pants. The two of them set off at seven o'clock. Halfway down the walk Pam felt Jim's hand close around hers, fingers interlacing, and her pulse quickened. She felt his eyes dart over to skim her face, and smiled to herself, feeling with an undeniable certainty that she loved him with all her heart. And for now, that was enough.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight  
>Things went smoothly the following couple of weeks. Roy was tied up in meetings and interviews most of the time, and was too tired for much conversation when he came home. Pam was grateful for the reprieve, yet felt a twinge of guilt at her newfound rebelliousness. She'd never been the type of girl to sneak behind a boyfriend's back or plan to break up with him; she confessed to Jim one night that she was always the person getting dumped. Still, she knew that she would break the news to her fiancé – eventually. The timing just wasn't quite right.<p>

Meanwhile, things with her relationship with Jim were thriving. She felt happy with him. The times they spent after work were simple and uneventful, but lingered in her mind hours after they'd separated. In a matter of days, they reached the stage that usually takes couples months to achieve: utter comfort with each other. Romance wasn't the priority; roses and jewelry weren't part of the package. Instead, love was conveyed through every action, every look, every subtle touch.

Unfortunately, this made it difficult to remember that in the office, nobody knew about them. Jim kept trying to automatically put his arm around Pam during conference room meetings, Pam continually forgot that she couldn't hold his hand when they were going for a beer with their co-workers after 5 on Fridays, and both of them had trouble keeping overall PDA and intense looks to a minimum.

Despite these obstacles, they did impressively well covering up their relationship until one Wednesday afternoon. Jim had just nailed a huge sale with an important client and wandered into the break room to grab a bag of chips and tell Pam.

He did so, and without thinking, she squealed and threw her arms around his neck, then gave him a quick kiss. It wasn't a particularly deep or passionate one, but unluckily, Michael just so happened to be passing by and look over at that precise moment. He was in a rather black mood that day, and was headed over to Toby's desk to take out his frustrations on the hapless human resources employee, and, scowling, almost didn't see Pam.

But he did. Doing a double take, he spun around to the camera.

"Did you see that?" he asked. "Oh my _god_, did you catch that?" Looking stunned, he raced around to the door of the room in order to catch the two of them as they left. "Hi, Jimothy, Pamela," he said. "Having fun in there?"

"I need to get back to my desk, Michael," Pam said wearily.

"And I should probably get back to work, you know, since I just stole Staples' number one customer."

"Yeah? Yeah? You're gonna go back to your desk? Oh, yeah, you'd better do that. You'd better do that." He followed them, trying to poke Jim, who dodged in the nick of time. "Here you are, milord," he said, gesturing to Jim's chair. "Milady, allow me to accompany you to your desk."

"Alright," said Pam, sighing. "Thank you, Michael."

"Oh, let me help you with that." He pulled out her chair, then leaned over and whispered, "So, what's the deal with you guys?"

"With who?"

"You know, you and Jim. Your boyfriend."

"What - he's not my boyfriend," she said quickly. "You're making this up in your head."

"Are you sure?" He knelt down so he was speaking directly into her ear. "Pam, I've always felt a very close connection to you, and if you're lying to me I will kill myself." 

"Okay, Michael." She stood up and grabbed a stack of papers. 

"Where are you going with those? Giving them to Jim?" 

"No, I'm actually sending a fax." 

"Oh, because you're dating Jim." 

"No, because it's my job." She fed the paper into the fax machine. 

"Pam, don't lie to me." 

"I'm not lying." She tapped some buttons and groaned as it started beeping. The screen flashed an error message. "Michael, I'm a little busy here, so why don't you go back to your office and try to do your job?" 

"I know you're lying to me," he said, standing up. "I swear to god, if I find out you're lying about you and Jim, I'm going to kill myself." 

"Well, that seems a little extreme," said Jim, coming up to reception and grabbing a few jelly beans, smirking at the camera. 

"Okay, that's it." Michael clapped his hands. "Everybody? Conference room, 5 minutes. No, wait, make that 5 seconds." 

"Do we have to come?" asked Stanley. 

"Yes. It is mandatory. Mandatory. That means you have to come or you're fired." Michael paused, then laughed. "Just kidding. But, uh, yeah, everybody better come here, stat."

Pam and Jim exchanged uneasy looks. They fell into step next to each other as the others filed through the door, and Pam whispered,

"Do you think he actually knows?"

"I have no idea."

"What are we going to do?"

"I'm sure it's nothing."

They sat down. Michael had mysteriously disappeared, and as they waited, they heard him swearing and banging on the printer. After a couple minutes of this, he ran through the door looking frazzled but triumphant. Holding up a grainy, slightly crumpled, black and white photograph of Pam from her first day of work, he announced,

"This is Pamela Beesly."

"Oh boy," Jim said, still amused. Pam had a nagging suspicion that this was a case in which he was underreacting. She hoped she was wrong.

Michael then held up a similar-quality photograph of Jim.

"This is Jimothy Halpert."

"How on earth does this have to do with anything remotely related to work?" asked Stanley.

"Silence," admonished Dwight. "Michael, continue."

Jim raised his hand. "I have a question."

"Yes?"

"I'm sure nobody else is wondering, and forgive me for being a bit slow on these things, but… what are you doing with those photographs of Pam and I?"

"Excellent question! Ding ding ding ding ding!" exclaimed Michael, sticking both photographs on the wall. "Glad you asked. This –"

"Oh my god!" cried Kelly. "Brad Pitt is at the Steamtown Mall!"

"Can you please just – wait, really?" asked Michael. "How do you know?"

"My best friend just texted me. Look, there he is! He is _so _dreamy."

"Let me see your phone," Michael said, reaching for it.

"Um, no. Get away, loser," she said scornfully, responding to the text.

"Meanie," muttered Michael, then said loudly, "Where were we?"

"You were about to explain why there's a picture of Pam and –"

"Oh, never mind," Kelly piped up. "Apparently it was just an old guy wearing a wig that looked like Brad Pitt." She shook her head. "I can't believe he would do that. People these days are just disgusting. I'm totally _not_ LOLing right now."

"Ask her if he looks like he's single and easy," said Meredith.

"Enough enough enough!" shouted Michael, waving his hands around wildly. Jim raised an eyebrow at the camera. The rest of the office grudgingly looked back at their boss. "Okay, can you all please just listen to me?"

"We would if you'd tell us what this goddamn meeting is about," growled Stanley.

"This 'goddamn' meeting, _Stanley, _is about Jim and Pam, alright?"

"Jim and Pam? Please," scoffed Dwight. "They don't deserve –"

"JIM AND PAM KISSED!" yelled Michael, pointing at the two of them. "They – alright, you know what? You guys suck. You just _suck_ and you blew my entire build-up where I told the story about how I set them up together and I had this whole thing planned with choreography and jokes and nobody seems to appreciate these things anymore. I'm done." Grabbing the photographs, he crumpled them up, tossed them over his shoulder, and stormed out. Dwight immediately followed him, leaving the rest of them dumbfounded.

"Shit," said Jim.

**So, that's it for this chapter! How'd you like it? I think in the next one, Roy will obviously find out about this and we'll see how that goes. Put in requests in the review section if you want to see anything else specific happen. Thanks!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Sorry for the wait, guys! I've been so busy with my other fanfics – I've been writing like **_**crazy**_** this past week – but I promise I'll update as soon as possible. Speaking of which, I would really really appreciate it if you checked out my new John + Jenna fic, "By Now". I am having fun writing it, but I have virtually no followers.**

**Hope you like this chapter!**

Chapter Nine

Roy found out approximately half an hour later.

To his credit, he didn't storm into the office aiming to kill Jim. As a matter of fact, his first move was to smile at Pam and tell her she looked great.

Then, of course, he sought Jim.

"Hey, man," he said, clapping him on the back. "Can we talk for a moment?"

"Sure," Jim said, getting up and following the man to a back room.

The moment they left, the office exploded.

"Ten bucks Roy throws a punch at him," said Oscar.

Kelly had left her nook and announced, "If Jim gets a black eye, I can't decide if it'll be hideous or make him look super hot."

"Can everybody please calm down?" asked Pam, who was understandably also freaking out. "Just – just do your work, for god's sake."

"Ooh, Pam, two guys are fighting over you. Who would've thought?"

"Well, when she does her hair like that…"

"Have you seen her from behind?"

"Just stop!" yelled Pam.

Everyone turned to look at her in surprise. Gentle, quiet, reserved Pam? This shocked them sufficiently into silence and she gave a small nod of pride to the camera. Two minutes later, though, she was biting her fingernails, a nervous wreck. Michael was in his office being consoled by Dwight and, unwillingly, Ryan.

Meanwhile, Roy and Jim were having the most carefully civilized conversation that either of them had ever been involved in. After small talk – the calm before the storm – Roy jumped up and roared, "Did you kiss Pam?"

"Whoa, calm down, man," Jim said, also standing up. "Come on, let's talk it out."

Roy slammed a fist on the table. "Did you kiss Pam?"

"I –" His eyes flickered over to reception. Pam gave him a helpless look. Swallowing, he said, "Yes."

Roy just looked at him. "You're disgusting," he said. "I trusted you! I thought you'd look out for her! I thought you guys were best friends! You _both_ told me, time and time again – he's just like a brother, she's just my bud. I was trusting you, both of you. And you do this?"

Jim had flinched, assuming that the guy would hit him, but he hadn't, at least not yet. "I'm sorry. I – we were stupid. I've been trying to get her to end things with you."

"Oh, so that's what you've been up to? All those times you guys hung out, you were trying to convince her out of our relationship?"

"No! No, I swear. I didn't mean it like that. I meant… I agree. It's not fair for her to cheat on you. I was trying to get her to fess up. She was going to. It just – the timing was wrong. Maybe it'll always be wrong. Probably. I don't know." Jim ran his fingers through his hair. "I'm sorry, man. Can we – can we just talk it out?"

Roy scoffed. "As if that's going to solve anything."

"You might be surprised," Jim said mildly. "All I know is that violence never makes anything better. Besides, you might end up with a lawsuit on your hands."

"Fine," Roy said grudgingly, sitting down. "Let's _talk._"

And talk they did. For the first time, there was a side of Roy that was vulnerable. Not overly so - it wasn't a radical or drastic change, and he didn't pour his heart out by any means. But it was something.

He began by telling Jim about the start to his and Pam's relationship. "I was a total idiot in high school," he admitted, "and I fell for this girl that I thought was out of my league. She wasn't cool. She was a loser."

Jim immediately snapped, "Don't say that."

"No, I don't mean like that. She wasn't a loser to me. But she was at the bottom of the heap socially and… I fell in love with her. But I didn't want people to know, because I was the popular jock."

"So what did you do?"

"I spent sophomore and junior year trying to impress her, make her notice me. I goofed off, made excuses to walk by her every day at lunch… I was invisible to her. She was always by herself, sitting on a bench in the courtyard and drawing.

"Finally, I got my courage up and asked her out to prom. She blushed – you know how she looks down and then up at you when she's shy – and said yes. After I won her, I resolved to be the best boyfriend I could be."

Jim couldn't help but be marginally impressed. For one, he had to admit that his opinion of Roy had never been high. Roy was rowdy with the other warehouse guys, telling crass jokes and always making him feel like the awkward one. Still, there was another side to everyone, and he was slowly beginning to understand why Pam would have fallen in love with Roy Anderson.

"Clearly, I slacked on that," confessed Roy. "I guess… I took her for granted. I proposed and I thought that was it. The game was won." He shook his head. "The game's never over."

Jim winced; he had always suspected and disliked that to Roy, Pam was a game.

As if he could read his mind, however, Roy tried to backtrack and redeem himself. "No, I don't mean that in a – a – what do you call it? Misogynistic? I don't mean it like that. But I thought I'd gotten her, I loved her, and that was it. I stopped putting effort into our relationship. And god, I should've realized it. I should've known that you'd be the first person she'd run to."

Jim had to speak up at this. "That's where you're wrong," he said quietly.

"What do you mean?" It was a challenge.

He spoke slowly, trying to put what he felt into words. "Pam never 'ran' to me. She knew I was in love with her. And she could have cheated on you any time. You've said it yourself, you didn't pay attention to your relationship very much anymore. You wouldn't have noticed. But she didn't, because she cared – cares – about you. I don't appreciate the fact that she failed to end things with you; Pam has flaws. But I love everything about her. I just want you to know, I wasn't her rebound. I wasn't her default. I was her best friend, and she's fallen in love with me."

Roy was silent, chewing on his lip, processing this. Anger was natural in this situation, and part of him had the strong urge to scream at Jim, or punch him in the face. But he did care for Pam. If she didn't feel that way about him…

"What about you, huh?" he asked gruffly. "Do you really love her? How do I know you're not just some loser who's going to mess with her life more than I ever have?"

"Do I really love Pam?" What kind of question was that? Once he started talking, he couldn't stop. "Pam's… great." Roy snorted; Jim gave him a look. "Hear me out. Pam is everything I've ever wanted. I've waited my entire life for someone like her to come along, and there she is. Everything she does amazes me. It doesn't hurt that she's beautiful. When I wake up in the morning, I feel empty, because she's not next to me. She's the first person I want to see every day. She's always on my mind; I'm always wondering where she is, what she's doing, how she feels. Hoping that wherever she is, she's alright. I want to hold her, no matter what the circumstances. I want to be with her, all the time. I want to hear her voice, look over and see her in the chair next to me, fall asleep with her head on my chest every night." He paused. Jim wasn't normally an emotional or sappy person, and spilling all of this to Pam's fiancé just felt strange. He had asked, though, and he deserved an honest answer, however sentimental, however maddening. "She's just… I love Pam, Roy."

Roy merely looked at him. His right hand clenched, then relaxed. His jaw tense, he asked curtly, "Is that it? You done?"

Jim nodded. Then, figuring he had nothing to lose, he asked cautiously, "Have you ever felt that way about her?"

Roy was silent. He seemed to be having an inner battle. When he stood up, Jim did too, looking him square in the eye. "You love her," conceded Roy. "And if I really care about her… if I really think she deserves all the love in the world, and I do, or did, at one point… she deserves you. And you deserve her." He moved to leave.

"Are we good?" asked Jim, extending a hand.

Roy shook his head. "No, man, we're not." And with that, he left, the door swinging behind him.

**So… what's the verdict? I didn't want to make Roy too easy or overly nice. I think the fact that he gave Jim his permission, basically, yet didn't throw his arms around him and invite himself to their wedding, is more realistic. I hope that my past and inaccurate descriptions of him were compensated for, and I really hope that you enjoyed this chapter. Let me know what you think, and if you have any requests for future installments.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hi everyone,**

**I've been so busy this summer that I haven't updated this in a long time. As I have very few followers of this story and I'm trying to write for other fics, I'm going to discontinue this – for now, at least. If you want to see another chapter, feel free to put in a review or PM me.**

**Thank you for your support, and check back later – I might continue if I have more time.**

**~ecb327**


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